Now.

There are certain moments in your life, milestones if you will, that would appear to be a trivial matter to others.

My moment came yesterday.

There we were, Ayah and I. Another car ride to send me back to Ampang. We had dropped off my two younger sisters in their colleges respectively; we all had a very late lunch at KFC. We hardly get to see each other anymore, and mealtimes are usually catching-up sessions. YoungestSis has two more exam papers to go, the MiddleSis will be going caving somewhere in Kelantan, and then there's me moaning about my work.

Then Ayah shared his news. Apparently he received an offer to work overseas, and what did we think about it? Good thing it was KFC and not some fine-dining establishment we were in, the noise level was bordering on Disturbance to the Public. We were all enthusiastic, and it seemed that although Ayah had already made his decision, he wanted to see our reaction. I think our enthusiasm for him and Mama to leave the country almost made him change his mind (apsal bebudak ni lebih-lebih je heppi?!).

As we travelled slowly along Jalan Loke Yew, Ayah and I chatted about the nomadic trail of our family, how we never stayed in one place for more than 3-4 years. The itch to uproot oneself and relocate was not intentionally nurtured, but it was there, in all of us. Our little family, and Ayah the only man in the house.

 "Go right ahead, Yah", I said. China would be one hell of a ride, I thought.

Then he said, "Ha'ah. Ayah tak risau dah pasal korang bertiga…" 

That was my moment. All these years, living in his shadow, never quite meeting up his expectations. The fights we had, the inadequacies I felt, the mistakes I made; those few trivial words I would cherish forever.

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